i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
