Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
