Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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