Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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