I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
