i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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