so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Church boner. Awkwardddd
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
