It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My dick has a subreddit
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
