i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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