Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
