doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just had sex on a roof
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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