I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
only you would photoshop your dick
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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