Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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