I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
