Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
