we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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