Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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