oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
