My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
