I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
