matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
