If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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