Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
