What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
