Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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