Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
