I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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