You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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