The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
