Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Can I color on your dick again?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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