what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I intend to get homeless drunk
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
