i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
