I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize