it wasn't lemon gatorade
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
