I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
