please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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