well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
