I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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