Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
