Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
