He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
