Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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