that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
