if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
they need to just BURY HIM!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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