his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
