I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
