Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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