So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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