You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
