I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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