I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize