i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
