I just pynch a tree in the face
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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