You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
