Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
