i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
