i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
