i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
