I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
