I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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