hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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