I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ugly people sure do ruin things
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
