Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
True but thats because hes a fetus.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
