Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
