Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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