in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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