My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
smell my finger.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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