barbara walters just said penis...
Small penises have feelings too.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
