you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize