i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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