I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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