yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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