: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
