positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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