Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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