So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
