dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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