If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
