chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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