Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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