I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
