Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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