fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
