He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
