The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
