there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
