if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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