I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
