The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There are leaves in my underwear?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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