I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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