I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
