We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
