I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
