The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You're like the curious george of whores
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize