I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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