Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
