Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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