i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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