I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
