I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
