Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
