thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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