Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
