i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
